October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so I thought I’d give an update on my own situation. It was exactly one year ago that my soon-to-be ex-husband locked me out of our house just before a La Yácata community meeting. It took months before I was able to get a demanda (lawsuit) moving to force him to give me access to my personal possessions.
I was extremely fortunate to have found an excellent lawyer. She not only succeeded in getting the judge to approve access to my belongings, but also secured my reincorporation into the house (he had to leave) and a restraining order.
Of course, none of that made the situation easier emotionally. I was subjected to harassment, a horrific smear campaign, and financial pressure through the prolonged legal process. If you’ve never experienced anything like this, I can’t really begin to explain the emotional damage it causes. Even when you’re physically safe, your nervous system doesn’t necessarily get the message that the danger is over.
A couple of weeks ago, the sentencia (ruling) from the higher court came in after my ex-husband challenged the family court ruling. I’m still waiting for some of the paperwork to be completed, but for all intents and purposes, I am finally divorced. And only now am I beginning to feel as though I am doing more than simply surviving.
A Look at the Numbers
My experience is just one story, but it exists within a much larger reality.
According to Mexico’s National Institute of Statistics and Geography (INEGI), approximately 70.1% of women in Mexico have experienced some form of violence, including psychological, physical, sexual, economic, or patrimonial violence. INEGI — Violence Against Women Statistical Dashboard
Psychological or emotional violence is the most widely reported form, followed by physical and economic violence. Cámara de Diputados — Ley General de Acceso de las Mujeres a una Vida Libre de Violencias
Statistics don’t necessarily tell the whole story. Fear, stigma, lack of confidence in institutions, and other structural barriers can keep women from reporting abuse. This means that many experiences of domestic violence and harassment never become part of the official statistics. Amnistía Internacional México — La impunidad persiste
That matters because violence isn’t always visible. Sometimes there are no bruises. Sometimes there isn’t a police report. Sometimes the abuse happens through money, isolation, intimidation, manipulation, harassment, or the legal system itself.
Resources for Women Living in Mexico
If you or someone you know is experiencing violence, some organizations can provide information, support, referrals, and, in some cases, access to shelter.
Fighting Domestic Violence — Mexico: Legal Provisions
Information about legal provisions concerning domestic violence in Mexico.
Línea Sin Violencia
A support and information service for women experiencing violence in the State of Mexico.
Red Nacional de Refugios
Mexico’s National Network of Shelters, providing information and support for women experiencing violence.
No More Global Directory — Mexico
A directory of organizations and services addressing domestic and sexual violence in Mexico.
And Then There Are the Small Things
One of the things I’ve learned over the past year is how much the small things matter. The community has supported me in ways I never expected. Just this morning, someone brought me a bag of wild plums (Spondias purpurea), and I’m so excited at the idea of trying my hand at jam.
A bag of plums probably doesn’t sound like much, but after a year of court dates, paperwork, conflict, uncertainty, and trying to put my life back together, someone showing up at my door with something from their garden feels enormous.
I still know I have a long road ahead of me. Things still need to be resolved, and rebuilding after this kind of experience doesn’t happen overnight. But today I feel more focused, more secure, and more like myself than I have in a very long time.
And that, after everything, feels like something worth celebrating.
