June 10, 2014 · 7:55 am

Parenting Challenge–Learning from Animals–Running the emotional gamut

 

Welcome to the June 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Animals

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and wisdom about kids and pets.

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puppy love

We have animals. We interact and coexist with them on a daily basis. How can we not learn from them?

Having animals is an emotional training ground for my son, or so I believe. I hope that when he moves on to the emotional truckload found in adolescence and young adulthood, he will remember some of these experiences and maybe be just a little more prepared and not blind-sided with their impact.

little puppy

Unconditional love

We have had quite a few baby animals under our care. Some have been abandoned, some orphaned and some we bought young. These babies, whether puppies, kitties, colts, ducklings, lambs, bunnies, piglets, kids or chicks, have looked to us with unconditional love. They greet us with shining eyes in the morning. They wait at the gate for us to come home. They follow us trustingly wherever it is we go. They crawl into our laps for comfort. Everyone should experience unconditional love.

colt

Group Identity

Some of our orphans have been accepted immediately by our other animals. Others have been rejected for whatever reason. Maybe their color was wrong, or they were seen as a threat to the already established status quo. It comes as no surprise then that the rejected form their own iron-clad gang, finding love and acceptance among themselves. Everyone should have a feeling of belonging.

Unrequited love

Some of our animals we have found had been abandoned and took them in. It is harder for us to love these older animals with their already formed personalities and behavior issues. We go through the motions, but the unrequited love these animals look at us with is difficult when our emotions do not run so deep. The kindest thing we can do is to try and find a more appropriate home for them. Everyone should learn to deal compassionately with a love that is not returned.

kissing horse

Betrayal

Sometimes, no matter how much lavish attention and love we shower on our animals, it isn’t enough. My husband has been the most affected by animal betrayal. Those dogs and horses he feels closest to have been the ones that ultimately have to go after a particularly horrendous crime. Everyone will experience betrayal.

sad boy

Loss

Animals have a shorter life span than humans even when allowed to live out their natural life. Outside events are also a factor. Some of our animals have been poisoned by not-so-well-meaning neighbors. The sadness and pain of loss is not lessened with frequency. Sometimes the only thing that  we can do is sit by a dying animal and give comfort with our presence. Everyone will experience loss.

bunny

Sometimes, when we have to make a particularly difficult decision with regards to our animals, I look at my son’s shining eyes and wonder if it is fair that I force him to experience these emotions right now, at his age. I wonder if it would be better if he didn’t have to deal with their magnitude and if I could keep him protected in a hazy bubble, maybe by giving him a fairy tale to believe, a Disney version of All Dogs go to Heaven perhaps. Then again, I know my son and doubt that he would believe such a story even if I could present it well. After all, life isn’t the Disney channel and childhood isn’t an isolated period of growth and development. He already knows that and so do I.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

  • What Animal Rescue is Teaching My Children
  • Tips on Picking the Perfect Kid-friendly Dog — Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl shares some tips she’s learned on how to find the perfect child-friendly dog for your family.
  • All New Animals Are “Woof” — Baby Boy is still learning animals. Life Breath Present doesn’t yet have any at home, but he still believes that all animals are “woof.” Here’s the proof.
  • Dude, where’s my Horse? — Adora loves horses, but Erin at And Now, for Something Completely Different really doesn’t. However, Adora’s longing wins out; learn about their interactions with horses here.
  • Weighing the Pros and Cons of a Family Pet — When is a family ready for a pet? Donna at Eco-Mothering discusses her worries as well as the benefits of adopting a dog, including how it will affect her seven-year-old daughter.
  • Parenting Challenge–Learning from Animals–running the emotional gamut — Survivor at Surviving Mexico writes about the emotional learning her family has experienced through sharing their lives with animals.
  • Puppy Love for our Family — In case you didn’t catch it from the blog title, Pug in the Kitchen, the family pet is an integral part of Laura’s family and home life!
  • Vegetarianism and Animal Rights: Explaining to Children — Becca at The Earthling’s Handbook is mostly vegetarian…not 100%, and not because of animal rights…yet she has found that the idea of not hurting animals is the aspect of vegetarianism most easily understood by a young child. She explains what her son has learned about not eating meat and how it has affected his social life.
  • Pets & kids: The realities — Lauren at Hobo Mama lays out the benefits and drawbacks of pet ownership when young kids are involved.
  • HOW PETS CONNECT WITH EMOTIONS: KIDS & PETS AFTER 9-11 — Parenting Expert Laurie Hollman at Parental Intelligence discusses the importance of pets in lowering stress after traumatic situations, why children choose certain pets, the loss of a pet, and the role of parents in teaching care-giving to animals in a warm, gentle way.
  • It’s not our house without a dog! — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work describes why giving a loving and disciplined home to at least one shelter dog at a time enriches the life of her family, and has become a vivid memory in the minds of her children.
  • Canine Haikus —Kids, dog, haikus, atDionna (Code Name: Mama).Pet-centric poems.
  • Beanie’s Bunnies — Our Mindful Life‘s Sofi Bean has gotten her first pets!
  • Montessori Care of Pets — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells about her experiences with kids and pets and shares Montessori resources for pet care.
  • No Puppy! — Meg at the Boho Mama shares her tips for dealing with toddlers and the (very real) fear of animals.
  • Year of the Pets — Jorje of Momma Jorje wasn’t sure she ever wanted pets again, but things have changed a lot this year!
  • 3 Reasons Why Keeping Backyard Chickens is Good for my Toddler — Bianca, The Pierogie Mama, started keeping backyard chickens for the benefit of their eggs, but what she wasn’t prepared for was what they would teach her two-year-old daughter too.

 

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June 6, 2014 · 3:33 pm

Buying property — as easy as buying a piece of heaven Part 2

lot next door

This is the lot under discussion. Doesn’t look like much I know, but oh, the possibilities!

About a month ago, C was cussing and sweating his way through clearing off the lot in order to put it up for sale. My husband mentioned to him that we might be interested in buying it. He said the price would be $45,000 pesos ($5,000 pesos more than the year previously) but that he would allow us to make payments. Oh, how I wanted that lot!

Hold on a minute, though. A few months earlier, an older man came to our house and said that the lot was empeñado (had a lien). Don R said that a young woman gave him the two lots next door to us as a guarantee for a personal loan of $20,000. She offered some hoochie-coo as well, but he said he was too old for that sort of deal and just took the property documents. So what was going on here?

It so happens, that the day this lien was made, I had seen part of the negotiations. I had given my keys to my son and he had taken them with him when the whole crew went to Cerano for an impromptu visit. I arrived home from work and found myself locked out. While I sat and stewed, a jeep pulled up and around, then went over to the other street and parked. In the jeep were C’s girlfriend and an older man that I thought might have been her father. Turns out, it was Don R and this was the point she offered to sweeten the deal.

So Don R loaned C’s girlfriend $20,000 in order to open a pharmacy in Moroleón, or so she said, and in return, she gave him the property certificates to the two lots next to us. When Don R came to our door, it was because she had yet to make any repayment and he wanted to know information about the girlfriend in order to collect. He and my husband hit it off. My husband made mention, that if the property next door came up for sale, we would be interested in buying it. He promised to keep that in mind.

We heard nothing more about the loan, repayment or pharmacy plans until that day C was huffing and puffing his way through the brush and my husband asked about the property. Since C had never registered the lots in his name, and I should know since I have all the records of La Yacata in my backroom, my husband asked if he had proof that he was the owner before any money changed hands. C assured him that he did. He hurried home and brought back a certificate and a copy of an IFE (voter registration card).

He presented a certificate in the name of J.A., which I had to admit was a real certificate, one of the ones Chuchi printed out back in the day. However, since I knew that J.A had sold the lot to G and, in fact, had a certificate in G’s name that she never bothered to pick up, this J.A certificate was not valid. And I told him so. Then C angrily waved the copy of G’s IFE in my face.

I told him that I had a copy of that particular document too, in fact, I even had a copy of the transfer of ownership from J.A to G, which I dug out of the file and showed him. Having a copy of an IFE did not prove that C was the current owner of the lot. What I wanted to see from C, was some document that said G had transferred ownership to him. He said he had those papers in his house.

By this time I was pretty heated up, so my husband told me to leave the talking to the menfolk. I retired to the kitchen. My husband and C continued talking. My husband suggested that C contact G and have her pick up the certificate made in her name then sign over rights to the property to C. If he did that, then we would hand over some money. Of course, I knew that G, having already sold the lot, would not be interested in picking up and paying for an invalid certificate. I was also sure that there was some sort of documentation that spelled out the change in ownership and that C didn’t have it. At this point, C started whining that he needed $20,000 down and the rest we could make in payments. I hollered from the other room that since the certificate that he had in his possession was in the name of J.A I would rather give J.A the $20,000 than C. Negotiation ceased at that point.

What it seemed that C wanted to do was get someone to give him $20,000 pesos so the debt could be paid and the documents would be returned. However, besides not being the registered owner, he can not legally sell the lots until the lien is paid.  So…

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May 30, 2014 · 3:31 pm

Buying property — as easy as buying a piece of heaven Part 1

Se Vende La Case donde vive Toñita. Inf. aqui. The house where Tonita lives is for sale. You can get information about that house at the house where this sign is posted. No idea where Toñita lives.

Se Vende La Case donde vive Toñita. Inf. aqui. The house where Tonita lives is for sale. You can get information about that house at the house where this sign is posted. No idea where Toñita lives.

When we came to México, it was only a matter of course that we look for a place to call our own. I should mention that until recently, foreigners could not buy land in Mexico at all.  The current president, Pena Nieto, however, is all about changing the constitution and allowing foreign investors in, so those laws have been changed dramatically.  We really didn’t have a major issue with this prohibition, however, since my husband is bona fide Mexican and therefore allowed to own land.

It wasn’t as easy as you might think. In our area, there are no realty offices. There are inmobiliaries, (property sellers) however the majority of property owners here who are looking to sell do not use them because there is a fee. Those that do have an agent through an inmobilario office were out of our price range. So, with no easy to look at list of properties for sale, all the legwork falls on the hopeful buyer.

For us, this process entailed months of exploration. We drove everywhere we thought we might like to live, from Los Amoles to Cerano and back, up side roads and by-roads, through fields and over ditches. If we happened to come across a $ painted either on the front of a house or on a stone wall, we stopped and looked it over.

SEVEN DE should read Se vende and indicates this building is for sale.

SEVEN DE should read Se vende and indicates this building is for sale.

Having located a prospective property, we then set out to locate the person who currently owned it. Asking the neighbors was seldom helpful. Small town distrust placed us at a severe disadvantage. Sometimes the neighbors claimed they didn’t know or just did not want to give us information. Sometimes they would send us to the son or daughter of the current owner, or maybe a cousin or uncle that lived pa’ya (over there). So we would trudge over to try and ask for the supposed responsible party, only to find out it had already been sold, or they had changed their mind about selling.

terreno for sale

Lot for sale with a non-valid contact phone number.

Sometimes there was a telephone number listed and we tried to call. It very seldom was a working number. And even if someone answered, he or she knew nothing about a property for sale.

lot for sale

There is no way to tell if this lot is still for sale or not. How long has this sign been hanging on this post?

We became despondent and took to ending our searches in La Yacata, where my husband’s sister had a lot. We would sit on the sidewalk and build castles in the air. If only this were our lot….

lot in La Yacata

Building castles in the air in La Yacata

After about 6 months of fruitless searching, we stopped at our imaginary home in La Yacata and saw to our delight that two lots across the street had a posted for sale sign. We called the number and met with the owners that very day. After a few days of negotiation, we agreed to buy both lots for a total measurement of 14 x 20 meters for $95,000 pesos. We had cash in hand from the sale of our house in the U.S. and trato hecho (it was a done deal). Within a week, my husband had the machine come to dig the foundation holes and within 3 months, we were living in our own home, unfinished as it was. Our house and animal area have been in a constant state of remodeling ever since. La Yacata also came with its share of problems. (See The Beginning of the Revolution) But how were we to know?

lot for sale sign

This sign at the carniceria butchers) says that there is a lot for sale with all of the servicios paid.

It is important for me to caution that it really is “Let the buyer beware” when buying property.  It is in the buyer’s best interest to have the seller give him or her all the receipts (originals not copies) for los servicios pagados (water, sewage, electric, pavement, and sidewalks).  However, as we found out, even having those documents does not guarantee that the utilities in place are in working order or up to code.  Talking to the encargado (person in charge) of a development may or may not be helpful.  After all, he or she is in charge of obtaining these utilities and will assure you until blue in the face that everything is hunky dory.  One way that can eliminate some of the doubt is to buy property that already has escrituras (deed) because that means that all the urbanization required has already been done.  However, it does cost more.

But, in our case, having put down roots regardless of the problems, when the lot next door came up for sale last year, we dreamed of adding just a little bit more to our property. We even made an offer, but since it would have taken 10 months to pay off the lot, and the owner didn’t want to wait and she sold it instead to someone else. This someone else, C, took out a bank loan in order to buy it and then told us he planned on putting in a pig farm. I, for one, was terribly downhearted at the news.

But when month after month came and went and no little piggies came to stay, I thought I had made peace with the loss.  Then again….

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